I never realised how lonely this journey would be at times.

When it started back in August 2021, I was lucky enough to have quite a few people around me to help me get started. They were just as excited as I was about the start of this journey. I was so excited! I had a real thirst for learning. I was like a sponge! I took on board everything. I asked these people for their advice, asked about their personal experiences and where their Spiritual path led them to. It was so refreshing to be able to talk to people about how I was feeling, what I was starting to experience, more importantly without being judged or have people thinking that you were going crazy!

Fast forward to 6 months on from that point, and some of those people started to fall away from my life. I struggled to understand. Why? Was it me? It brought up one of my core beliefs about not being liked, so I was triggered massively. New people came into my life. Some only fleetingly to impart some knowledge, give some advice. Some to tell me what they thought I should do and what spiritual direction I should take. It is interesting how many Spiritual people believe that everyone should do things the way that they have. Some of these people taught me about the type of person I didn’t want to be.

I started to see that as my knowledge and gifts have developed and I started to change, my circle got smaller. Not everyone understood my journey and not everyone agreed with my journey. Some people didn’t realise how much I had changed (for the better in my opinion!) The people in my circle are incredibly supportive.  Despite this, I have felt incredibly isolated and alone at times. And, at times frustrated. The highs on this journey have been euphoric and I have desperately wanted to share them with someone who would understand how amazing they were. The lows on this journey when ploughing through your shadows and addressing your deepest fears, I have desperately wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be ok and that the light would shine on me again.

I had dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago who was there at the very start of my journey and at that time, provided me with some invaluable support and guidance. Someone I have always been a bit in awe of to be honest because of the gifts, knowledge, and experience that they have. We talked about something I am trying to develop further right now and I jokingly said, ‘So are you going to help me with this, or do I have to do it all on my own again?!’ They said, ‘You need to do this on your own.’

I meditated on this. Partly because I couldn’t understand why someone with all this knowledge, experience and such an incredible gift wouldn’t want to help someone else develop further.

It made me realise that these times where I had no one to talk to about what I was experiencing or feeling, was because I had to turn to Spirit. I had to stop asking for validation from others and asking them if what I was doing or was feeling was right.  I had to go inwards and trust. I had to enjoy and bask in those moments of euphoria. I had to find my own light in those times of darkness.

I had to feel.

What I want to say is, your Spiritual journey is unique to you. Embrace the highs. Power through the lows. The right people who are meant to be with you on your journey will be there. Go with the flow and allow yourself to feel.