Only the strongest people acknowledge their own vulnerability.’  Lars Muhl

so,  I took a few days away from social media and my spiritual work for a couple of reasons.

I had some healing last weekend and some big triggers came up with it. It’s been a really difficult week for me mentally and emotionally. Throw into the mix some medical issues and physically,  it’s been tough too.

That’s the thing with healing. You never know what it’s going to bring up. And what came up was something I kind of guessed was about to rear its ugly head again.  Partly because I have been in denial about it. But I know  this is the final big block that is stopping me from being who I am meant to be and moving forward.

Interestingly, I knew that the person doing the healing was going to give me the key to removing this block. I’d seen them handing me the key. And I’d told them this. I didn’t realise it was going to hit so hard though.  Not quite a gentle opening of a door with a key. More like dynamite blasting it open.

This week, I just wanted to hibernate from the world and be alone to sit with how I was feeling. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. I didn’t want anyone’s advice. I didn’t want ‘tough love.’ In fact, some unsolicited ‘tough love’ I received only made it worse and made me cry more. I was tired of crying. It hurt. I could feel the pain coming out through my tears. I felt angry. Frustrated. I felt like 4 year old me stamping her feet saying ‘This isn’t fair! I’m tired of these triggers! Why does this keep happening?’ I felt overly sensitive, exposed and vulnerable.

And, I’ll be honest. I even stopped to question if I really wanted to continue with my spiritual journey. What’s the point? What should I?

It was as if Spirit put me in this position to make some decisions about my life. To decide on which path take. Was I  going to continue or step off the path?

It made me realise how much I have been spreading myself thinly and doing too much and yet again, not filling my own cup. Giving too much of myself to other people. That I was being distracted and trying too many new things without finishing what I had started.

It also made me realise that I’d lost my focus spiritually.

I was drawn to a book on my last visit to Glastonbury and finally got around to reading it. The Wisdom of a Broken Heary by Lars Muhl. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it resonated and helped me on my own healing journey and as a healer. It could have been written for me. It not only gave me some insights I didn’t realise I needed, it also gave me the peace and comfort I was seeking.

Today is a new chapter. The mists are clearing. I’ve figured some things out and am working through the rest of it. As for the block, I’m not quite ready to talk about that as it feels too raw.

Whatever life is giving you right now, please be gentle on yourself and don’t be afraid to put yourself first. It isn’t selfish. It’s self care.